


Overwhelm Me

by madamecrimson



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Crying, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Post-Quarantine, Reunions, Touch-Starved, Touch-Starved!Shane, quarantine mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:33:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25119181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamecrimson/pseuds/madamecrimson
Summary: Shane doesn't recognize this feeling at first for what it is. Then again, he's never been all that good with them. It's like an itch he can't scratch, prickling under his skin, lingering at the edges. He know's he's arrived early to the breather office, but after months of quarantine he was eager to get out of his apartment.He soon realizes he's not alone.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 19
Kudos: 135





	1. See Me, Hear Me

As he looks in front of him, he sees the back of a familiar soft pink hoodie, and dark hair that's been carefully slicked back and styled. 

The air is filled with an achingly familiar scent, a combination of bergamot, sandalwood, and whatever stupid ultra masculine brand name hair product Shane had razzed him about. 

Even just this small glimpse feels like decadence and for a moment, Shane finds himself rooted to the spot. 

Ryan turns around to face him and Shane feels something tightening in his chest, like looking at Ryan will be too much, or maybe not enough. 

The grin Ryan gives him is blinding, and his dark rimmed glasses do nothing to conceal the tears pooling at the corners of Ryan's eyes. 

Shane feels like he can't breathe as Ryan rushes toward him, throwing his arms around Shane. He catches Ryan, lifting him off the ground and into a spin without realizing it. He freezes once he does become aware, not having expected to employ such panache. 

Shane sets Ryan down, Ryan who is still very much hugging him, and Shane hasn't let go of him either. 

Shane's knees weaken and his arms begin to shake as Ryan's warmth seeps into him through his indie band t-shirt. It sears his skin and Shane yearns to be engulfed by the flames. 

He can feel wetness on his own cheeks before he can really register that it's happening. Ryan's fingers move through his hair, his touch tentative and gentle, as if he's trying to confirm that Shane is real. Shane holds back a shiver and leans needfully into the touch, cataloging the shape of Ryan's fingers, the pattern of his touch. 

Those same fingers move to Shane's cheek as Ryan pulls back to look at him, swiping a soft, warm thumb beneath Shane's eye to wipe at his tears. 

"Missed you big guy," Ryan says softly. 

Ryan's earnestness slams into him hard, and Shane is overcome with an intense hunger for more. Just...more. More of Ryan. More of Ryan in any way, in every way, in all the ways. 

They hear the front door open and they immediately pull apart. 

"Wanna come over tonight?" Ryan says quickly, his voice uncharacteristically quiet. 

Shane soon realizes it's because Steven and a few of their staff members are filing in. 

His face heats up when he realizes the invitation is meant for him alone. "Yeah," Shane replies, turning to smile at him. 

After a joyful reunion, the usual daily grind begins. But today is a little unusual. 

Ryan sits closer to Shane than he normally does, and normally he already sits pretty close. Every time Ryan looks up at him, big brown eyes shine brightly, wide smile lighting up his face, it's as if he's seeing Shane for the first time. 

Shane can barely stand it. He's not used to being bombarded with feelings, feelings he's struggling to identify, feelings he can't just shove down and ignore. If he tried to set them aside in a box they would bleed through and stain his hands. 

All he can think about is Ryan pressed against him that morning, arms wound around him, drinking Shane in like a desperate man in the desert who finally finds an oasis. Shane's cheek still burns with the light press of Ryan's thumb, and he can't help it when his gaze flickers to Ryan's lips, his hands, his ears, his neck... 

The craving tugs at him all day and the more he tries to rationalize it, the more ravenous he becomes. He has to try twice as hard to get any work done. His fingertips tingle as they sit atop his computer mouse, and he has to fight the urge to reach out and run them along Ryan's wrist, or his arm or his shoulder. 

At about five in the evening, everyone starts packing up, as they had agreed to ease back into the swing of things slowly. Shane's heart races with anticipation as he tries not to stare at the way Ryan's fingers curl tightly around his laptop as he slips it into his bag, the small bit of skin of Ryan's lower back that's exposed when Ryan leans over. 

"Ready?" Ryan asks and it's been so long since Shane has heard Ryan's voice not coming from a microphone that he almost chokes up a bit. 

He merely nods to cover it up and follows Ryan to the parking lot.


	2. Smell Me, Touch Me

As they make their way out to the parking lot, Shane can't help but notice the squeak of Ryan's sneakers and the light sound they make across the pavement. It's something he wasn't even aware that he missed, or even aware that he knew. It was something he never paid attention to before and it never entered his mind as being something important. It was merely something that existed on the outer rim of his consciousness, mingling with everything else around him as part of the metaphorical white noise of his usual surroundings. 

He feels like everything that was once only in the background is now rapidly moving to the forefront of his awareness. 

He wonders if maybe it's just him realizing all that he's taken for granted throughout the quarantine, from the communal hum of electrical equipment in their office, to the rich colors of the mural painted on the wall, to the scent of coffee and tea brewing in the Keurig in the company kitchen. 

But Shane quickly realizes that its not merely the physical, but the emotional as well, and _that_ he was unprepared for. Shane had spent his entire life quite literally avoiding his emotions like the plague and now they were spilling into him, overflowing, with no way to stop it. Ryan's car halts at a red light and when Shane glances over at him, he feels like he's been hit by a truck. 

Ever since Shane first chatted with Ryan, Ryan had always been the one who lit him up with joy thrumming through his veins, laughter shaking through his body, and smiles so wide that Shane's face often ached afterward; and yet at the same time, Shane couldn't recall being more comfortable around anyone else, stretching his legs out after long flights or on a shared bed without feeling self-conscious of his size; chatting incessantly about intricate details of film or even about things Ryan wasn't interested in himself but Shane was, and not feeling like he was boring Ryan; or being able to replace some of his Midwestern timidity with sarcasm and try wit without worrying that Ryan would be offended by or criticize him. 

And he _had_ taken all of that for granted because, true to his nature, Shane had ignored how the amalgamation of all of those things, of his entire relationship with Ryan, made him feel. 

And now here it was, staring him dead in the face, refusing to be ignored any longer. 

When they arrive at Ryan's apartment, and Ryan turns to look at him with his big brown eyes and bright as the sun smile, Shane is stricken with panic. 

"We're home big guy," Ryan says easily. 

And that shouldn't make heat bloom in Shane's chest the way it does, because of course Ryan is calling it "home" because it's _his_ apartment; it's Ryan's _home_ , not Shane's. But he can feel the warmth that's tucked under Ryan's words and the car suddenly feels entirely too stuffy and cramped. Shane fumbles to open the car door, uncharacteristically startling as Ryan presses the unlock button. He tears himself free of the seat belt and steps out into the California sun, feeling entirely at a loss. This is all too much at once. Just too much. And he wants to run. He want to escape. He needs to. 

And yet he feels as though he's rooted to the ground, woven into this moment, woven into Ryan and he can't break free. 

What terrifies him the most is that he doesn't want to. 

Ryan soon steps in front of him and is looking up at him curiously and Shane has to rip his gaze away. He feels too seen in that moment, as if he's made of glass, as if Ryan touches him even a little he'll shatter to pieces. 

"You okay big guy?" Ryan asks, breaking Shane out of his thoughts. 

Shane clears his throat and nods, but Ryan doesn't looked convinced. 

"Uh, yeah so, Thai take out or Chinese take out tonight?" Shane asks, his voice feeling constricted. 

His heart races and his skin feels sweaty and hot but Ryan merely replies with "Thai," and gestures towards the door of his apartment with a small nod of his head. Shane follows inside behind him. 

The cool breeze of Ryan's air conditioned apartment whispers across his skin, but Shane still feels like he's burning. 

"The usual?" he hears Ryan distantly ask, but Shane can't bring himself to answer. 

He can't think. He can't organize his thoughts. Everything in his head feels like it's all jumbled and going haywire. And then Ryan's in front of him again, his features no longer colored with curiosity but with concern, and Shane resists the urge to squeeze his eyes shut. 

"You sure you're okay?" Ryan asks and that just sends a pang straight to Shane's heart. 

In all the years Shane and Ryan have known each other, Shane has not once opened up emotionally to Ryan, leading Ryan to often refer to him as an emotionless robot or some variation. And yet despite that, Ryan has continued to ask him for it, over and over. Ryan had never given up, just in case Shane might change his mind and then Ryan could be there in an instant. Would be there in an instant.

Shane feels like his brain has short-circuited, like he's being consumed from within. He isn't sure what spurs him to do it, but before he can filter his intentions to stop himself, he's placing both hands on Ryan's shoulders and leaning in to kiss him on the mouth.


End file.
